Sunday, July 2, 2017

The Little One's Confession and Prayer

I don't believe with the same intensity of conviction, everything I write. I don't believe with the same degree of conviction, everything I read in the Bible, either. I do believe, with the upmost of my conviction, that every letter and dot in The Hebrew Bible has been placed with the Digits of The Creator exactly where it is, and where there are discrepancies in texts from different sources, well, God made it that way, too. 

And so it is with my writing. In Hebrew, a scribe who copies Holy Scriptures is called a סופר סתם. This literally means, "one who writes just like that" or "one who writes for no real reason". This is how Prophets write and how they speak. This is how they act. As God's Creative Scope is incomprehensible, one might recognize one's self as being used some way so as to appear the point of origin of some promulgated influence over other's minds. But the final outcome of what one says and does is somewhere out there way beyond the reach of one's most wild and outrageous imaginations.

This is how I have behaved from my very first memories and dreams. Things unfold more quickly than I have time to calculate the wisest thing to say or do. Most of the time it is as if I am trying to figure out the values of variables that keep changing.

Yet, despite having behaved in all ways politically incorrect, despite having repeatedly done things that are by my own judgement stupid and inappropriate, practically everyone who has ever had a lengthy conversation with me, anyone who has heard me describe the workings of my mind, has called me surprisingly wise and intelligent.

I have seen myself in action, observed myself going through motions that I knew I would regret, from my earliest childhood. I have always said to myself, not knowing why or how this thought would accompany my own misbehavior, "There is a reason for this that I don't know. I will just have to wait and see what it is."

And there always was. I have been the most blessed person I have ever met in the sense that even my self acknowledged sins from which I have repented, became the reasons by which I was later very fortunate.

It has all been, until this very instant, artfully and oh so wisely designed.

I am a product of artful and intelligent benevolent design and this is really all I know.

And so, all my thoughts and feelings, all my actions and all the words I have ever spoken, are all the product of Artful, Intelligently Wise and Benevolent Design.

For me this is an axiomatic truth. I do not consider myself to be the essential source or origin of anything I see, hear or sense in any way. I am not the creator of myself as an observer, either. My observations and commentary, which is really all that goes on in my consciousness, are themselves the product of The Designing Creator, and other than that I am absolutely certain in my faith that The Creator's Purposes are all Good, I know nothing of what God's Intent is for others as regards my presence in their minds.

For a while I contemplated how infinitesimally small I am in relation to the whole, absolutely unable to envision the full spectrum of even my own realizing potentials. The Beginnings and Ends are incalculable and incomprehensibly entwined. All context is full of unknowable content. All content shifting in value as contexts grow and contract. Yet having said this, I swear, every where I look I can see and hear poetry manifest as life. Sometimes this is so astonishing, so overwhelmingly visceral and mental together, I wonder at how I am able to stay alive and experience ever more intense-mind-blowing-open-aesthetics.

In my own being, I am experiencing revolutionary evolution.

For the first time in my life I am beginning to define experientially what "personal" means as regards the concept of The Personal God in what is now called Judaism and which I call Hebrew Culture. The Culture of Transcendence and Ascendance.

I am beginning to understand how fixed ideas about masculinity and femininity made it difficult for me to imagine a single God coming to me as both Mother and Father, ever together, an unalloyed singularity, raising me as The Son.

Yes, I am The Son.

Aren't you? And aren't you The Daughter?

Aren't you all my family, extended throughout inclusively, all of Mankind?

It is my Prayer that God give you all, five percent more valuable and better than anything I ever receive.

So Help Me God.

May I be the least in The Kingdom of Heaven, as I know with certainty I am already T/Here.

September 29th, 2017

A Catastrophic Tragedy. Maybe Not!


Jonathan Michael Robbins

= 939=

יונתן מיכאל רבינס

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