Perhaps The Most Difficult of Them All!
Mice, Synchronicity, and My Addiction to Sex From a Very Tender Age.
I swear I am going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. But what is truth, for God's Sake? For me, it is solely the product of self witnessing and the sincere and faithful description of what one see's in one's own mind. Nothing we see is outside our own mind. Even if our eyes are blind we see what goes on inside us, inside our mind, to some degree. Even when we sleep, we experience streams of all kinds of sensual information, some of which we remember and call dreams. The truth is what comes of looking and describing what one sees, without any willful corruption or distortion due to a fear of the consequences of being honest, even if being honest is only to ourselves. The ability to tell one's self the truth of what goes on in one's own mind is the essence of character if we are to define character as moral force or integrity. So I am going to tell the truth and by so doing, I very well might upset some people, my family. It is not that I am unconcerned and careless about their emotional well being. I am merely doing what prophets always do when they do anything at all and certainly when they speak or write, that being God's Will.
People might say, that is a crazy thing to say.
My brother Daniel has told me that it is written one should give one's life before whitening another person's face in shame. My answer to this is that the people whose face might be whitened by what I am going to share here have all closed down the lines of ingenuous communication with me, years ago. My answer is that I speak only of myself, what I felt and thought and experienced as a consequence of real happenings that surely involved other people, but only as these exist in my mind, the very same mind these people consider to be insane. If I am insane then my writing what I do is a consequence of my insanity and I am not to be accused of wrong doing as I have no legal liability for my actions, as has been determined in reality in the past by an Israel Court based on a psychiatric evaluation.
Yes, it is common place that families are shamed and embarrassed, their face whitened so to say, by the speech and antics of mentally ill family members. Hell, the very fact of having a mentally ill family member is reason for many people to feel shame and they try to conceal this fact from family, friends and neighbors. Add to this that what I say, everything I write, here and elsewhere, is precisely and to the dot what God would have me write, no more and no less. I remember hearing by someone I don't recall, someplace I can't remember, that The Hebrew Holy Scriptures were written with the injunction that once set as canon, the willful changing of so much as a dot is punishable by death.
Based on this," Deuteronomy 4:2–4:2
2. You must neither add anything to what I command you nor take away anything from it, but keep the commandments of the Lord your God with which I am charging you.
Everything written by Hebrew Prophets and Hebrew Scribes has to do with the commandments given by Moses to the Children of Israel. It is all an interpretation and artful embellishment intended to make the Laws more palatable and understandable and set them in a context of relative importance so that the Voice of God be heard and obeyed.
Surely, if one actually hears the voice of God, isn't that all one need to know of God's Will and what to obey? Isn't the sole purpose of The Law of Moses to purify one's heart so that it becomes a temple of God's Will, where one hears His Voice like Samuel did when he slept in what was then The Holy of Holies? Is it possible that God might command one to do something against the Laws of The Land, let alone that might embarrass and shame and anger others? Did God not tell Abraham to sacrifice his own son, this near act causing Abraham's wife Sarah to lose her will to live? Did God not tell Samuel to betray King Saul and anoint David as King? In the case of Samuel he broke the very law he himself had given Israel when Israel had asked for a King!
So I tell you all, I hear the voice of God in The Purified Temple of my Circumcised Heart and God would have me share my story with Israel and The World with no self censorship or inhibition due to the shame it might cause me or others.
My earliest memories of dreams were full of sensual if not sexual images and sensations. These dreams repeated themselves night after night and my memory of them is vivid. Perhaps the first was, I was walking someplace where there were trees. Suddenly I fall into a hole into the ground, into a cavern, where I take off my soiled underwear and discard them at my feet. Pretty little girls come and pick them up and smell them and ask if they can eat them. I feel loved despite my soiled underwear and agree, yet feeling somewhat ashamed, anyway. Then there was the dream where a door opens and enormous naked breasted women are standing in a closet, next to each other. There were six of them, standing three in a row, face to face. Buxom breasts shining as if covered in oil. I am so small I can fall on their breasts and I and they come together, with them pressing me between their boobs and it feels, oh it just feels so good, inside me everything goes warm and soft as I melt within. Years later I saw a commercial where a pearl is dropped into green shampoo and slowly sinks to the bottom of the bottle, causing me to remember this dream because of the sensation I felt when watching the pearl in the soft lotion.
I used to watch the cartoon Mighty Mouse at the same time I had these dreams.
"It was not unusual that a kiss from a rescued maiden would bring a deep red blush to his entire face. This bashfulness made him tremendously appealing to a variety of Terrytoons' women. In the early cartoons Mighty Mouse was the object of affection of many female mice including some hot numbers like the Gypsy Princess, Sweet Susette and Krakatoa Katy. ("She ain't no lady when she starts to shake her sarong!") He eventually concentrated his affections on Pearl Pure Heart."
Mighty Mouse's female companions, whom he saved, would hug and kiss him, gestures of appreciation he obviously relished. I can't describe how excited I would get seeing his female admirers hug him and kiss his cheeks! I blushed together with him!
Now I have had a relationship with the word "mouse" or mental mice, ever since I really lost my mind. The word mouse in Hebrew is עכבר and it it equals 292 in Gematria, just like דבר אלהים which means word of God . 292 also equals the Biblical Introduction "So Spoke God" or כה אמר יהוה. So in retrospect, my fascination with Mighty Mouse and the Erotic Relationships he had with his Female Companions appears to me to have been the Word of God. Mighty Mouse or The Mighty Word of God, One and The Same, it is all a matter of Mice and Men.
"Well, we ain't got any," George exploded. "Whatever we ain't got, that's what you want. God a'mighty, if I was alone I could live so easy. I could go get a job an' work, an' no trouble. No mess at all, and when the end of the month come I could take my fifty bucks and go into town and get whatever I want. Why, I could stay in a cathouse all night. I could eat any place I want, hotel or any place, and order any damn thing I could think of. An' I could do all that every damn month. Get a gallon of whisky, or set in a pool room and play cards or shoot pool." Lennie knelt and looked over the fire at the angry George. And Lennie's face was drawn in with terror. "An' whatta I got," George went on furiously. "I got you! You can't keep a job and you lose me ever' job I get. Jus' keep me shovin' all over the country all the time." (1.89)
Of Mice and Men and The Love of Whores
During this little temper tantrum George basically says that he wishes he were alone so he could go to as many whorehouses as he wanted. You know, just like we sometimes wished we lived alone so we could eat chocolate cake at 2AM without anyone judging us.
It is from The Future that The Past and The Present are given the context that finally defines them and their significance in the overall scheme of things. Whether they are ultimately Holy or Profane or perhaps both are the same, given enough perspective?
Before I was plagued with the voices of a hoard of mice in my mind, I had in my life a series of significant incidents involving mice or rats. The first was the reading of the Book 1984 by George Orwell when I was 12 years old.
What initially touched me most in the book was Winston's hopeless love affair with Julia. It seemed so intensely primal and passionate, something to long for. And the means this love was corrupted and disrupted and ruined, horrified me. Big Brother did this to Winston because this primal love was the foundation of Winston's faith in his own mind. So when they threatened him by making him believe they would release hungry rats at his face, rats being the source of his greatest fears, he pleaded that they do this to his beloved Julia with all of his heart, rather than they do this to him, and so they destroyed him as a man and overthrew his faith in his own spirit. They didn't have to actually release the rats. The threat was enough. They didn't even have to kill him. They let him go. And when he accidentally meets Julia, she is broken like him. A fate worse than death. it seemed to me.
Then there was the time I went hitchhiking to the north of Israel, when I was maybe 16, by myself with a little money I had earned working during the summer. I slept the first night in my sleeping bag under some trees at Achziv. I woke up in the middle of the summer night in a fright. There were enormous rats all around me and some were perched on the branches of the trees above me and seemed to be staring at me, saying, "Who the Hell do you think you are?" I spent the rest of the night walking down the road in no particular direction, mortified. In the early morning a bus stopped to give me a ride and in it were some girls from Canada I knew, come to spend the summer in Israel at the boarding school I went to. I spent the rest of the trip with them. The rats had scared me into walking the road where I serendipitiously met some young women I had a very good time with.
When I was imprisoned a month for accidentally shooting another soldier in basic training, I spent the time in the army prison near Ramla. We were kept in tents and I worked in the staff kitchen, a great job. Lots to eat. At night I would see long lines of rats marching nonchalantly next to the kitchen wall. A rat bit a piece of the ear off the guy sleeping in the cot next to mine. And one night, I woke up with an enormous rat situated on my foot. I reached down and grabbed my boot to throw at the rat but it was long gone by the time the boot hit my unscathed leg.
And then there was the night Itay and I slept in our cardboard palace over the public toilets at the Park of The Horse in Jerusalem. We spent a couple of weeks there, first in a Sukkah we found and erected and surrounded with large cardboard boxes, until we were chased away because a homeless young man who stayed there with us was seen getting undressed by the children of demonstrators who were camped out there too. They were demonstrating for public housing and we had joined them in sympathy and because we too were homeless. We moved to above the toilets and erected our cardboard palace there. One night I was awakenned by the sounds of skirmishing rats coming and going from the nearby sewer vents. It was awful. Usually there were cats and the rats were held at bay, but for some reason that night and that night only, the rats seemed to be free of their fear of the cats and they ran around us and under the nearby bushes. I thought then about the Hebrew "Word of God" for "Mouse", equaling The "Word of God" and decided nothing would happen if I stayed where I was and waited out the nightmare like experience. Itay slept like a baby, as usual. In the morning he went to get us coffee and biscuits from a nearby synagogue, like he always did. I found next to my head a piece of jewelry. My first self serving thought was that a rat had left it there as a reward for my surrendering to their presence and obeying God by not running away from His Word.
A piece of magic jewellery!
I have already said that I was going insane at the time. But I was still a long way away from when I heard legions of voices in my head that called themselves "The Mice".
The piece of plated gold had a number of what turned out to be Zircons in it. First I thought it was real gold and they were diamonds. Later I learned that Steve had left it for me. Steve was the homeless Jew, a Hungarian youth who followed us around and to whom we had given shelter, food and hashish to for a year, at Itay's expense. He had no papers and was severely schizophrenic but not at all paranoid. He spoke some English and no Hebrew. He spoke all the time to people in his head and laughed and shouted and smiled and frowned, deep in conversations no one else could understand. because it was all in Hungarian. Steve would often walk the streets, shouting at the top of his voice in Hungarian, what he told me were warnings for people's closed hearted cruelty to each other. Steve from Hungary had often been Hungry, until he met Itay and Itay brought him to live with us. He called me "The Prophet of God."
As I said, I thought what he had left me was a piece of Magic Jewellery.
"Magic Jewellery" in Hebrew is תכשיט קסם and that in Gematria is 939,
like "The Prophet sent by God." הנביא אשר שלחו יהוה
Zircon in Hebrew is זרקון which is 363 in Gematria like "The Messiah", המשיח.
It is Divine Poetry, not scientific proof.
Later, when I made demonstrations against Chabaad and their declarations that their Rebbe worked miracles and still had unnatural powers despite being dead and buried in Brooklyn, I warned people that putting Tefillin (phylacteries) on at the Chabaad stand was like drinking from a poison well. I made up songs ad lib and Itay accompanied me by playing the guitar. I sang that pointing one's finger in a book by their dead Rebbe, to have a random verse interpreted as a miraculous statement concerning the welfare of the misguided soul who did this, was akin to drinking water from a well with a dead rat in it.
A Dead Mouse as A Dead Messiah
I did this because I was inspired from an incident we had when we had slept in a small park in The Jewish quarter of The Old City. It was a cold winter night, and Itay and Izaak and I, homeless and destitute but full of fervor and faith, had come to Jerusalem to fulfill our destiny. I feverishly discovered in the middle of that sleepless night, that the name of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson, in Hebrew
- מנחם מנדל שניארסון - just like my name in Hebrew- יונתן מיכאל רבינס -equals 939 in Gematria.
They say the dead Rabbi is The Messiah and here I am, The Real Living Messiah, with a Code in the Hebrew Bible that includes the number 939, indicating for those who are so inclined, that I am the one prophesied to come at the end of days, spoke of by Moses and the other Hebrew Prophets, like Jeremiah.
Here is a copy of that code. The true complete code has phrases that don't appear here but this should give some idea of what I am talking about. There are English translations of the Hebrew Biblical phrases. Pay special attention to those with the number 939.
The Hebrew Bible Code With The Gematria of My Name 939, 838, 617, 516, etc.
Jeremiah spoke of The True Prophet, "The Prophet Sent By God" -הנביא אשר שלחו יהוה- which is also 939 in Gematria. When we got up the next morning and I lifted my blanket from the ground, I found the carcass of a dead mouse underneath where I had slept. There was no evil odor, but this was disturbing. This was before I demonstrated against Chabbad in the streets, but I still felt great resentment towards them for how they had treated Itay and myself when they had had us arrested. We had been trying to warn them of the consequence of their claims. Of how they were giving Israel a bad smell in The Nose of The Lord.
After finding the dead mouse, Itay and I had gone to where we knew some Chabaad Chasidim prayed, in order to share with them that their Rebbes' Hebrew name in Gematria equals 939 and there are many phrases in the Hebrew Bible, concerning the Messiah, that also equal 939.
Here are a few examples:
* פרק ב, פסוק ז':
“וייצר יהוה אלהים את האדם עפר מן האדמה ויפח באפיו לנפש חיה”
נשמת חיים ויהי האדם=939
A Breath of Life and Became a Man=939
* Genesis 2:7 -
"And The Lord יהוה made man dust from the earth and He breathed into his nose A Breath of Life and Became a Man."
* פרק ג, פסוק כב':
The Messiah will be a teacher of Good and Evil
"he will send his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat and live for "= 939
The Messiah will understand the undying nature of life itself and understand that life lives forever and that it is of a consuming nature, but nothing is really eaten. The letter ל in Hebrew means 'for" but the letter means "to teach" and that is what the Messiah lives for, to teach!
There are many such examples in the code which I will add later, but so much for now!
In my crooked mind I thought we were giving them a Trojan Horse! They loved Gematria and constantly spoke of the fact that the number of the dead Rebbe's address in Brooklyn had been 770 which equals
בית משיח. or Messiah House, as if this was Divine Proof of their claims that their Dead Rebbe is indeed The Messiah.
If that were proof of their claims then what of mine?
On the occasion of our last demonstration against Chabbaad, we met a young man who approached us and asked of our doings. I explained to him that I am The Living Messiah as The True Messiah must be alive as opposed to The Rebbe, who was very dead, and that my actions are based on The Torah of Moses. We were surrounded by sundry people and members of Chabbaad, who all looked at me in awe. After hearing my explanations for my behavior, one of them shouted out for all to hear, " Yes, it is he! The Messiah, Son of David! It is written, no one will believe him when he comes!"
He said this and ran away.
At that time I had announced that sun spot 969 would lick the earth with a fiery kiss and thus prove my prophetic calling. I had sprayed the number 969 as graffiti,- 969 equals "To Jonathan Michael Robbins" in Gematria- (ליונתן מיכאל רבינס) on the posters of the face of the Lubavitcher Rebbe all around the Chabbad center on the walking Street in the center of Jerusalem, just a few buildings from my brother Daniel's Law office. As all this was happening and I explained "my job"=התפקיד שלי= 939 to the young man who had asked, someone came by with a t-shirt and the number 969 boldly printed on it. When this happened and I pointed it out, several other Chabaad members shouted and ran away. The young man told Itay and me that he had left Rishon Letsion, The First of Zion, to come to Jerusalem and find a righteous man and he had found me. I was pleased to hear this and remembered the verse from the book of Jeremiah 5-1.
"Walk the open places of Jerusalem, and please look for and know and ask in her streets- if you find one man, if there is one who does judgement and asks for faith, and I will forgive her."
שוטטו בחוצות ירושלם וראו נא ודעו ובקשו ברחובותיה אם תמצאו איש אם יש עשה משפט מבקש אמונה ואסלח לה
The value of the following cyan letters from the verse ם תמצאו איש אם י is 939 and the words mean " if you can find one man if there is" and equal 939, the value of my name. The letters cut off from the previous word in the verse and the following word in the verse are מ mem for מיכאל Michael and י Yud for יונתן Jonathan, Jonathan Michael יונתן מיכאל equaling 617 or איש האש , Man of Fire, and the letters left after removing the mem and the yud are א Aleph and ש Shin, together אש or Fire.
In other words, my name, Jonathan Michael Robbins, surrounded by fire, with the initials of my name, Jonathan Michael, when put together in the order they are found מי asks the question in Hebrew "WHO?" and immediately gives the answer. Jonathan Michael Robbins contained between the letters that ask.
Of course this proves nothing, it is just the poetic meanderings of a mad man.
It doesn't have to mean that there is a code in the Hebrew Bible with the name of The Messiah (939) and for this reason every word matters in the sequence it is placed and it is all, as is, a "mouse"!
"The Word of God".
"Walk the open places of Jerusalem, and please look for and know and ask in her streets- if you find one man, if there is one who does judgement and asks for faith, and I will forgive her."
I was very happy this man told me he had found the righteous man he was looking for in the streets of Jerusalem because that meant God would forgive Jerusalem and she could be saved!
He came with Itay and me to where we had been spending the last few days, at someone who had agreed to share his home, food and hashish with us, nearby.
An artist who learned at Betsallel. The day after we arrived there, he found that mice had made a home under his couch, the place was quite filthy, and he turned the couch upsides down so one could see the mouse droppings where the mice had been
Someone who knew Itay brought us there and he had the number 939 in his identity card.
That morning, which was just a few days before Rosh Hashanah of the year 2007, I had a strong feeling that things with Chabaad had gone full circle, with the police refusing to arrest me anymore as well as interrogating Chabaad members for making false complaints. I was also being openly threatened, after having been punched, spat upon, stoned with real stones and not just on pot, and cursed as a Nazi sympathizer and antisemite. On one occasion someone threatened to run me through with a long sharp pole, like Pinkas had done out of religious fervor and zeal. Someone pointed this out to nearby police and they pulled him aside and took him away. The last time I was arrested was a Friday afternoon and with me the police had brought the guys who made the complaints and held them for interrogation, also, till very late.
I read Psalms 35 out loud, " To David! Quarrel God against those who are my opponents, fight against my antagonists!" לדוִד רִיבָה יְהוָה אֶת יְרִיבַי לְחַם אֶת לֹחֲמָי
The police officers told me they enjoyed my reading and asked me to read more, but when the guys from Chabaad started trying to sing over my voice the police men told them to shut up, they were making noise and I couldn't be heard.
I was very pleased with my God The Artist!
During the last few days the city supervisors had removed all the Chabaad posters and given them lots of expensive tickets for illegally posting them all over the city. On top of these posters the city had pasted new City Posters, celebrating 40 years since the Liberation of The Jewish Quarter in The Walled Old City of East Jerusalem. 40 is an important number in Hebrew scriptures and is written many times as a full time of transition. One of these times is " And it was after 40 years..." when Avshalom rebels against his father, Kind David. As written in the Hebrew
...ויהי מקץ ארבעים שנה and this equals 939 too.
As I was saying, all of this doesn't prove anything at all.
It is just Divine Art in my mind and I am crazy to choose to believe it actually does mean that I actually am The Messiah. And soon enough something will happen that will reveal my presence to the world.
So like I said, the young man who had found the righteous man he had come to find in Jerusalem, came to the apartment Itay and I had been staying at. The place was crowded with lots of young people, was noisy and kids were playing video games. I wanted to invite him to stay but couldn't because the owner wasn't there and there were youth sprawled all over the place. There was no room. He said he didn't mind and he would take a Sherut Taxi home. He told us a little bit about his past.
He had been an officer in a Tank Unit.
This synchronized perfectly with something that had happened that morning. When in doubt about what to do, I had acquired the habit of doing precisely what I condemned Chabaad for doing and that is opening The Hebrew Bible randomly and sticking a finger on a verse to seek a sign of what I should do. I justified this as being my Urim and Tummim and after my experience with the I Ching I thought of myself as having received permission to do this despite the Mosaic Order not "to guess" the future based on random occurrences, such as the state of a slaughtered animals entrails as they used to do in Moses''s time. But for want of anyone else, I was also the High Priest Malchi Tsedek or as it says in
Psalms 110-4 נשבע יהוה ולא ינחם אתה כהן לעולם על דברתי מלכי צדק
"God promises and will not change His mind, you are my Eternal Priest, My King of Justice!"
And when I did it, I wasn't getting advice from a dead Rabbi, but from the Holy One of Israel, Blessed Be His Name!
The verse I had come up with by pointing my finger randomly on a page was in the Book of Job, Chapter 20 and the verse was 24 יברח מנשק ברזל תחלפהו קשת נחושה
Which means "He will run away from an iron weapon but a determined arrow will catch up with him!"
Now my finger was exactly on ברח מנשק ברזל which translated means "Run from an iron weapon!"
It also equals 939. Right after seeing this verse, I became aware of a piece of wood near my foot with many iron nails hammered into it and this made me shudder. Itay had noticed this and had said nothing until I mentioned it to him first.
Permutation of the letters in the Hebrew word for "Run away..." ברח gives "friend" חבר and he was indeed a friend because he invited us to come stay with him in Rishon Letsion which we were to do a few weeks later for Succot.
He was "a friend from an iron weapon"=חבר מנשק ברזל=939 for what is more an iron weapon than a Tank, for God's Sake? He was a tank officer! He fed us and gave me a big piece of Hashish to smoke away as we waited for some catastrophe or another. I was always waiting for a catastrophe to happen when I said it would happen because this seemed to be one of the things that Hebrew Prophets do.
Now the point of all of this was that he suddenly had a mouse in his apartment when we arrived. He had seen it and tried to catch it but it had disappeared behind some closets. He had never had a mouse before. He was quite perturbed when we told him that mouse is 292 like "Word of God".
I said I was going to tell you about my sexual preoccupations honestly. Well, our new friend let me sleep in his sister's bed who was away as an airplane hostess. The room was very feminine and there was a strong very seductive feminine scent in the room that went to my head. I had determined that Hebrew Messiahs shouldn't be addicted to sex, like I was, even though one of the three Hebrew words that equal 1111 is "You will be addicted" והתמכרתם and I had been that but thought I had been redeemed, as I hadn't masturbated in months. The combination of Hashish and the fragrance of a woman's room overwhelmed me and I went at it like I hadn't for a very long time, doing my best to make it last as long as I could, which considering I hadn't jerked off in ages, was pretty long. I consoled myself with the thought from Isaiah, 29-16
הפככם אם כחמר היצר יחשב כי יאמר מעשה לעשהו לא עשני ויצר אמר ליוצרו לא הבין
"You have turned everything upsides down! Is the potter to be considered like the clay? Could a deed tell He who has done it, You haven't done me, or an urge say to its Maker, you don't understand!"
"An urge say to its maker, "you don't understand!". It was a mouse in the house that inspired me. A mouse
made me do it!
Sometimes after this, we moved into what I called "The House of The Messiah". The House of The Messiah?
It was an abandoned ground floor four room villa on Frankfurt Street, which was very quiet yet in the center of Tel Aviv. The entrance to the building was through Frankfurt 11 and the address at The Messiah's House was 9. Or 119, kind of. The building was filthy with garbage and newspapers and excrement all over the floors. But over the course of a few days, we really cleaned it up. The number 119 meant ot me that I was on the right path, of course. 119=Prophet of God נביא ליהוה and it is the date in Hebrew that The Towers Fell, "The Day They Injured New York". The day I realized with perfect certainty that God was taking me towards a future that was already there.
The Story of My Becoming A Prophet of יהוה 119
I had found it myself a few months previously and cleaned out a room where I stayed for a while. As always, I immediately had found a double mattress left out on the street. When Itay and I came back after our adventures in Jerusalem, we parted ways for a while but then we reconnected and it was Itay who had called the "friend from an iron weapon" and got us invited there. After that we came and settled into the Messiah's House. In Hebrew The Messiah's House is ביתו של המשיח and that is 1111. Just like " Words of God to Jonathan Robbins= דברי יהוה אל יונתן רבינס= 1111", indeed. It was at The Messiah's House that I had my first real bouts of complete insanity and these were precipitated by my taking daily portions of a very powerful amphetamine, sold legally at many night kiosks, all over Tel Aviv. The street name of the drug is Hagigat which loosely translated means "little party of Gat". It is a derivative of the Gat plant, the leaves of which are chewed for hours, leading up to an increased libido and sense of well-being, mental alertness, excitement and euphoria. On the other hand, "Manic and delusional behavior, violence, suicidal depression, hallucinations, paranoia and Gat-induced psychosis have also been reported," the study authors wrote."
The drug was sold as pills of the kind that can be filled with powders and came in different colors. It was a processed and far more powerful drug than just chewing the leaves.
The first time I took it, I did so because of the Gematria.
"Hagigat = חגיגת" is 424, like "Messiah, Son of David = משיח בן דוד". I know how stupid that sounds but I felt it was a matter of "mouse". And mice is what I sure got as I will soon explain. The guy who gave it to me was a Tel Aviv homeless Swede who was an excellent chess player and he gave me the pill and told me it will help me play chess. It did, I felt, though of course, he beat me anyway. But I put up an unusually good fight. I was suddenly very clear minded and everything seemed to make tremendous sense, my whole story. I could hold the whole unfolding sequence of synchronizations together as a wonderful poetic unfolding narrative that had to be a Thing of God.
Thing of God is the same as saying Word of God, in Hebrew. God's Word makes for the Things of This World, like when He says, "Let there be Light!" and "There was Light!"
To me God said when I was a child, and didn't know Hebrew or Gematria, Mighty "Mouse"who was very much a Messiah Mouse. And soon enough, my head was full of "Mice" I had to save!
Itay started buying me a few pills every day. I quickly lost a lot of weight. Itay told me he bought the drug at a Kiosk at 119 Dizengoff Street and that made perfect sense. I was definitely The Messiah and the whole world Knew it, every one that mattered, like the Mossad and the CIA and every intelligence agency in the world. I was being followed every where I went. The Vatican was after me sending snipers to take shots at me because I was The Anti Christ, but I somehow would disappear and reappear as I shifted through different dimensions. People would see me and suddenly make calls on their cell phones to report my passing by.
Here are some posts I wrote at the time.
Being as the sole purpose of the Catholic Church has been TO preserve the THRONE of the SON OF GOD, that being yours truly, jmr, and being as the VATICAN knows full well that my D.N.A is exactly the same as that of KING DAVID, as his bones have been preserved in a Vatican vault for almost 2000 years....
And being as the VATICAN knows full well that I am the fulfillment of the prophecies of john the saint and Jew, and being as the Vatican has been examining my behavior according to the teachings of "what was his name".....and has found it to be so exemplary, it has sent Catholics here who are trying unsuccessfully to live from the garbage off the streets of TEL AVIV, like I do Laughing ,.......
I want the THRONE OF THE DOPE POPE NOW REFUSING TO VACATE IT.
GET YOUR ASS OFF MY CHAIR OR I WILL HAVE IT THE SAME WAY YOUR PRIESTS HAVE BEEN HAVING CHOIR BOYS....... AND I PROMISE YOU IT WILL HURT.
YOU WILL HAVE WORSE HEMORRHOIDS THAN GEORGE BUSH.
PLEASURE DURING ANAL SEX HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR MEMBERS OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
Followed by this the next day:
White smoke was seen today over the roof of a house on what used to be a quiet street in Tel-Aviv.
Outside an abandoned and dilapidated house, a man sleeps-
who everyone in Tel-Aviv knows to be, the long awaited messiah of the Jews.
THE SECOND COMING OF KING DAVID !!!!
ביתו של המשיח=1111=THE HOME OF THE MESSIAH
KING DAVID is the single corporeal cause...
of the pope's soon coming announcement of his vacating his throne.
THE POPE will also announce that...
THE LION OF JUDAH
lives as a poor and homeless JEW ...(KNOWN AROUND HERE AS jmr)
HE IS THE RIGHTFUL AND GODLY ANOINTED MESSIAH OF MANKIND.
If this announcement is not forthcoming within 48 hours,
THE VATICAN WILL GO UP IN FLAMES....
באמת,אהבה ושלום=838 ....in truth, love and PEACE........jmr
יונתן מיכאל רבינס
jonathan michael robbins
- המשיח -
-9.29.07- THE TRUTH REVEALED
As a note, that particular Pope did prematurely vacate the throne, reportedly because of a scandal that involved prominent Church clerics and pedophilia.
After writing this post I am absolutely certain I woke up to see someone rushing away from my eyesight on the roof, leaving behind him thick plumes of white smoke. At this time, Izaak who came and left periodically, found a large velvet burgundy sheet I used to take to the beach. It was very much a King's color. Itay found a whole wardrobe of very high quality clothes that fit me perfectly. Jackets and pants and shirts and I was better dressed than any other time in my life and was enjoying my tremendous energy and vibrant good looks like never before in my life. I used to stand on the beach feeling perfectly beautiful and very much felt like Adonis, taking pleasure in my appearance, something I knew nothing of until then.
I would masturbate for hours and hours, just slightly touching myself, the intensity of sensations was overwhelmingly pleasurable. I would fall into deep bouts of inner and exterior hallucinations, erotic images of every kind imaginable, in full color, danced and played out on the walls.
A while later, beginning my descent, I wrote this,
The degree of corruption that has eroded the foundations of humanity all over the world is beyond repair.
This is not civilization, it is evilization.
The events about to transpire are horrendous. So many people are going to perish, hundreds of millions, billions... old and young, women and child, the pregnant and the newly wed, men and boys, all of them suddenly swept away into the oblivion of being forgotten....this is coming ...in a series of events that will erase the memory of the Holocaust as a tragedy and a crime.
I have no reason to celebrate the Pope's shame.
Then, not too long before my first hospitalization, the mice announced their arrival. I started for the first time to hear voices in my head. Previously, I had hear music. Repetitive melodies, not unpleasant, that seemed to come and go in the beginning, but then became slowly incessant as if they were a background musical score, dependent on the melodrama of the moment's visions.
When the mice first started chatting with me, they told me that they were electric entities from another dimension, that had infiltrated into my mind from the electric grid around me. They said that whenever a civilization was technologically advanced enough to create vast designed systems of electric flow, they invaded the electric currents and entered the brains of people all over that dimension, causing chaos and deterioration and causing logic and rationality to deteriorate and sound judgement to be lost. There were an endless number of civilizations on an infinite number of worlds, some of them still with dinosaurs, some with primitive peoples that had not yet evolved enough to get the attention of the mice, and civilizations like ours, which were doomed because the mice gained control over the matrix of human experience in every one's brain and caused disaster after disaster to eat off the emotional secretions of their victims who fell prey to sex, like me, or fear and war.
This was the reason I started to walk from building to building, turning off the electricity. Every time I did so, it was as if I jumped from dimension to another. Buildings sprung up out of now where or disappeared in an instant, Everything would age in the blink of an eye and people's face would become warped and ugly. The back yards of buildings hadn't been cleaned or the trees pruned for decades.
I decided I was meant to fight the mice and that was my ultimate calling as The Messiah. So I took them on! They had no concept of God and I had long theological discussions with them, where I showed them how the Hebrew Bible and my life story were proof that there is an Artful Designer God who orchestrates everything that happens on all dimensions, that there was no real chaos only its appearance, this from the limited vantage point of a narrow temporal viewpoint possessed by any and all sentient life forms.
Their answer was intelligent and disturbing. They said, "We have been doing what we have been doing, destroying civilizations be corrupting coherence by means of electric interference of brain functions, for far longer than we have any record of, because we don't keep any kind of records. What's the point? We have been doing it on many different dimensions and there is never a shortage of dimensions where civilizations reach the technology that exposes them to our attacks. The whole universe is in a constant flux of dimensions, in some sentient entities in biological machines like your own, becoming ever more sophisticated in their brain capacity and electric digital technology until they are attacked and decay back into chaos, everything at one stage or another of development or decay. But there is no final development to it all, no ever improving state of affairs, no process of unceasing growth in value, anywhere we have ever infiltrated and brought back to psychic entropy. There is no God, anywhere we have ever been, no sign of one.
Many have come before you and declared they are messengers of some Deity, Messiahs of Some Single Creator God, some Deity who has an endless spiral of growth for sentient creatures and ever increasing sophistication of experiences without end. It is just wishful thinking and we send all these Messiahs to the same place, where they sit around contemplating the question of how did everything go so absolutely wrong, a place where they are trapped with each others company, all the enlightened gurus and mystics and wise men and philosophers who think that they have found the Stone that Turns Lead to Gold, they are all there and that's where you are going to end up too!"
To this I responded," If you could see all I have seen, experienced all I have experienced, you would know with the certainty that I have that there is a God and I am His Messiah and I with God's Will and Design will be the means by which God changes the very nature of the universe into one where there is endless room for undying growth and development, ever greater realms of experience and involvement, that never end, so that all dreams are fulfilled and then new dreams are born, forever."
And they said, "Bullshit! All those who have thought like you end up endlessly mulling over what has shattered their faith and brought them such confusion. There is a degree of chaos and confusion of circumstance that can destroy anyone's wishful thinking faith in a Benevolent Deity. If you are so sure of yourself, instead of our burrowing slowly and surely ever deeper into your psyche, open up to us the gates of your mind and let us in all at once! If you have a God like you say you do, He will surely protect you and teach us a lesson we will never forget!"
Absolutely certain in my faith I replied, "My mind is an open book, Go wherever you will go, pull any strings you want to pull, make me feel anything you want to make me feel, I trust my God and Believe in Him, He has told me the truth of who I am and what he intends to do with me. He will protect me and show you His Infinite Creative Power and that you yourselves are nothing but a Dynamic Work of Art in my brain, entities meant to challenge and entertain me as I grow in scope and encompass more and more of God's magnificent creation in my mind, on ever more dimensions!"
Then they went away for a while, I no longer heard their voices. But my own thoughts became outrageously and fragrantly obscene. While masturbating, I suddenly had a picture of myself fucking my father in the ass. And the painful truth came back to me, that once in real life he had bent over in front of me and the thought had actually occurred to me. I quickly had discarded it and have been generally tolerant of sudden random thoughts popping into my head, but now the image came back with a vengeance and felt indescribably pleasurable. I wanted to stop stroking myself and chase the thought away but it wouldn't go and I continued even harder. And when my father yelled out at me, "Yes, yes, yes, harder , harder!" and he came, I came with him. It felt inexplicably good. Now I have never felt any inclination for any kind of homosexual activity. I have seen homosexual porn and I did feel a sympathetic nerve response and no disgust what so ever at what I saw, but I never felt any desire to be touched myself that way or to touch another. That didn't change. But that I had just fantasized as if against my own morals and sense of aesthetics, something as utterly despicable as I just had, well it was shattering to my own self identity. It had felt so GOOOOOD.
And then I remembered the story of Noah and his son Ham. There are sources in Judaism that say, not only did Ham sodomize his father, he also castrated him!
They (the rabbis) went further. B. Sanhedrin 70a says the following:
“And he knew what his youngest son had done to him.” Rav and Samuel [differ]. One says that he castrated him, the other says that he sexually abused him.The Context of Ham's Sin and The Curse of Cannan
It wasn't the mice driving me crazy with wildly confusing sensations and mental images, it was The God of Art teaching me Torah, Himself! I am Blessed! I am The Messiah! I learn on my very flesh and in my mind what the stories of the Hebrew Bible mean, what their secrets are. God is constantly stretching the mind of His believers beyond the confines of self flattery and the politically correct.
Of course I hated having such a perverse thought! I didn't want to think about myself that way. I also didn't want to think about God The Creator that way, either. That He had His Righteous and Just Servant sodomized and castrated was an impossible idea to contemplate and I had to go crazy to contain it. And then the idea came to me, that instead of destroying someone's faith with pain and chaos, one could create faith by causing someone so much pleasure, that they abandon all former loyalties to false Gods and adopt belief and faith in my God of Art, and then accept that I am The Messiah! I could Fuck The Mother of Christ in The Ass and cause her so much joy and pleasure that she will yell out all across the heavens, "Jonathan Michael Robbins is The Real Son of God and The Messiah of The Universe"!
That will show them who I am!
The next day the mice were back and told me they were surprised and impressed. Of course the laws of great numbers dictate that anything is possible as a sequence that appears to be a meaningful pattern, but my recent life history was never the less unprecedented in their experience. Until now they had used Bible stories to demonstrate paradoxes and contradictions to minds that had a literal belief in Bible stories or simply ignored the narratives that seemed wildly cruel and evil and that God seemed to perpetrate Himself. They wanted to hear more about this God of Art idea I had. They would gather in my mind for lessons. They asked intelligent questions and took notes, something absolutely new for them
In the mean time, I paraded every day down Dizengoff Street, singing at the top of my voice that Jesus Christ was vacating the thrown on my behalf, because his mother thought I would be a better king than he. This after we had some more anal sex. It was near Christmas and Itay had brought me a red whistle. Suddenly the streets were full of people wearing red and these were Vatican sympathizers for sure. I would run up to them and blow the whistle as hard as I could, while yelling at them "Traitor!"
One day, The Mossad tried to recruit me. I was sitting at Dizengoff circle near the Agam water fountain. A woman sitting a few meters away from me was holding her newspaper up sides down. She was middle aged and I thought she looked Russian, but I wasn't sure. She would stand up and move closer to where I sat. I was sure she was trying to get close enough to me to say something but she didn't want all the foreign intelligence agents who were always keeping track of me to notice our speaking. Doesn't make much sense but I was insane, now , wasn't I? First the Mossad paraded its finest agents in front of me so that I could see what great people I was joining. Many were wearing red scarfs or shirts or skirts or had a red belt on. You see the Vatican secretly controls the Mossad and is behind the Luibavitch Messiah movement. They are trying to break the heart of Jews with a dead Rabbi Messiah to make the idea of Jesus more palatable and enticing. Someone walked by with a red T shirt and the word MOSSAD on the back. For real.
At some point I simply got up and walked away. I went to the beach. The mice told me all about the Vatican plan to win me over to Catholicism. They said they were behind all the recent revelations about Priests sodomizing young choir boys, etc. The mice told me they were reconsidering their attack on my mind. They might choose to let me alone and see how things work out. They would however continue wrecking havoc on humanities common subconscious and they wouldn't by any means let go of George W. Bush's brain. I vowed that even if they went silent in my own mind, I would continue to fight them and close off electricity in buildings every time time I wanted to move from one dimension to another for a change of ambience.
The mice did go silent in my mind but the hallucinations and delusions got ever more worse until I was hospitalized for the first time. I was hospitalized all together four times and I will tell more about everything that happened between my first forced hospitalization and my last. The mice did return, ever more sophisticated. We discussed in great detail things like Quantum mechanics and the uncertainty principle. where I explained to them how nothing was uncertain to God as he determined how wave functions collapsed according to His Plan. And I told then he has a plan for every electron and photon and all sundry sub atomic particles and He is never surprised. They finally told me they would create schools for studying the teachings of The God of Art's Messiah in all the dimensions they infiltrate and I am Indeed the Messiah, The One and Only!
Here are some things I wrote just before my last hospitalization, when the Mice were vanquished from my mind, once and for all.
Post Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 3:07 pm Post subject: Introducing THE MICE
The real controllers of human experience are not human, nor are they alien, they are simply a kind of sentience that has been around far longer than any idea we have about how long we have been around But it turns out, sentience is very cheap in the universe. It is not only cheap, IT IS RELENTLESS. It is so relentless, it goes on forever and ever- making forgetfulness, sleep and the illusion of death into the greatest inventions of the mind.
Sentience is the foundation reality of reality itself.
The human mind knows information from the following sources.
1. Its own senses that give the illusion of a world out there held in common with others.
2. Information encoded as D.N.A
3. The appearance of information in the mind due to quantum laws of non locality.
The Mice are encoded into human DNA and actually create the senses themselves as each individual's participation in what we might call the common mind or the objective universe. The MICE are behind all anomalous phenomenon including of course 11:11. The mice are a sentience that harvests human experience for sensations and entertainment.
THE MICE are mostly interested in the sensations caused by two very common human activities, these being predictably- WAR AND SEX.
They are about to become ever more LOUD AND PRESENT in their orchestration of your experience.
שלום אלוהים שלום
And then this:
Post Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:09 am Post subject:
The mice I am talking about are not the little creatures that get chased by cats and eat cheese. The idea is that information arrives at your sentience after being processed by a faster and higher sentience than your own. This sentience is above the human experience and in control of it. My choice to call it "mice" was arrived at independently of Hitchhiker's Guide but perhaps was influenced by the fact that gold mice were added to the ARK OF THE COVENANT when the philistines returned it to the Israelites. Mice spread the plague and a spiritual plague has overcome humanity.
I wonder why the Americans say that inventing the perfect mice trap is the way to riches? Perhaps the mice are actively in control of the American administration. George W. Bush sure seemed mice controlled. They have a very ironic and wicked sense of humor. Such is very apparent in human history. Indy seems very much under the control of some higher sentience, one with a gleeful hysterical laughter-a laughter the mice are fond of...
The human race is merely a kind of entertainment and food source for a sentient creature that lives in multitudes inside our minds. These creatures call themselves "mice" and are the ... cause for MOST human experience. The "mice" love two human activities more than anything else, these being somewhat predictably- WAR and SEX.
The mice create a field of quantum wave phenomenon which is the matrix of human experience and explains what we know as our objective universe. The mice are actively in control of humanity and cause people to experience every kind of spiritual anomaly usually associated with religion. They produce fairies and vampires and angels whenever such are in any way perceived by the human mind.
The mice are about to shake the foundations of your mind with revelations about your true nature that will leave you feeling so worthless, suicide would be a luxury. But since you are no more than a sentience attached to a biological robot and are incapable of initiating so much as a single thought, feeling or intent on your own-you will find the inertia of your life style continues with you becoming nothing but a helpless hopeless observer of your own experience- while the mice begin orchestrating ever more horrific demonstrations of power over you and the course of events.
שלום אלוהים שלום
Now keep in mind that I have posted about an event on September 20th. this year, one of fire in the sky over The Northwest USA.
Fire On The Northwest = 939= אש על צפון מערב
That event is mentioned here in June, 2009 as coming on September 29th, that year.
The Earthquake And Tsunami of September 29th, 2009
Instead of a volcano going off in the Northwest US, putting fire in the sky, there was a deadly earthquake and tsunami in the West Pacific on that date, September 29. Coincidence or sign of much worse things coming?
This last post I wrote a short while before being arrested for the last time, at the end of July, 2009.
Post Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:08 am Post subject: Praying for Multi- Dimensional Attack on ALL CIA AGENTS
And to the CIA I say this.
I have prepared in my mind a very secret disease all CIA agents will get starting September 29th, 2009. This disease is called " the mice".
Sometime in late September, 2007-The Mice, an ultra aggressive and highly efficient multi dimensional parasite which causes the downfall of civilizations, infiltrated this dimension and infected the mind of humanity with nonsensical and aggressive thought patterns in a wave of chaos. My mind, infected like every one else, was able to overcome the mental parasite and actually succeeded in creating a bridge across dimensions to the life entities on "the other side". The life entities on "the other side" eat off the sensations and emotions of their crops- humans- when these are harvested by the spiritually entropic electronic disease known as "the mice".
The life entities on the other side of the "veil" are able to read all information in any brain infiltrated by the mice and found my mind so interesting, they created a permanent line of transaction in which they began to study the synchronicity around messianic motifs in my life, a phenomenon which was so astounding to them....they are considering implementing my teachings as the foundation of a new civilization for man.
The life entities on the other side of the "veil" do not have any faith in a Creator God- but admit that since they found me and have begun studying the phenomenon of synchronicity in my life-they are beginning to change their basic fundamental axioms about how sentience experiences reality, allowing for an ARTIST CREATOR who hides his signature in great amounts of chaos, there to be found by those who demonstrate authentic and death defying faith in This Creator by walking the talk of their faith. Such a path is walked by me and has been walked by others, known as prophets, before me, these entities concede.
My life though is unique among all men who have ever lived for the amount of synchronicity in it, making the workings of my mind and my philosophy of life of special interest, since if I am THE MESSIAH, and allowed therefor to assume the TITLE- THE SON, my mind and its teachings are of special interest, coming as these do from a Creator God and not from the ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE OF CHAOS -PRINCIPLE OF SEQUENCES OF SIGNIFICANCE causal factor previously believed by them to explain all phenomenon observed in all living entities.
Anyway, I have begun praying for a renewed attack by the MICE on all CIA AGENTS, causing their complete destruction. And if the USA is destroyed on September 29th this year due to a geological volcanic event in the NORTHWEST, I will see this as my prayers having aligned themselves with Divine Will, allowing this script to unfold as written by My Father, The Artist, The Creator of The Universes.
As to the CIA-It would be naive to assume that they are unaware of someone like myself who has been blaming them for the SEPTEMBER 11TH attacks since my book was published in a major book chain. It is not paranoid on my part to assume that there is a kept record of my doings, particularly as my identity card has been taken by Israeli secret service agents and then returned so that they could make a notation of the date of some of my protests back in 2004.
I am officially insane, a result of my choice to tell my story to "officials" so that "for the record" it be noted, I did everything I possibly could to warn you about the consequences of ignoring the contract I have with the Creator for This World.
For the record then, CIA- This INSANE (838) הייתה משוגע MESSIAH IS PRAYING FOR YOUR DEATHS AND CALLING ON ALL HIS POWER TO MANIFEST AS DESTRUCTION OF YOU AND YOURS ON SEPTEMBER 29TH.
Come and get me, if you can. Very Happy
שלום אלוהים שלום
The last time I bought Hagigat I got it at a kiosk that still sold it despite its having become illegal. A taxi parked outside the Kiosk had the number 119 on its door. I got some five pills, the last I ever took. I had been diving back and forth into a sea of madness for several weeks, smoking Hashish and taking Hagigat.
The day I was arrested was a Saturday, I think. I am not sure.
My stream of consciousness was utterly unworldly.
At some point, I apparently began to shout very loudly , "ALLLAH ACHBAR, ALLAH ACHBAR!" I don't remember this but it is very likely I did it because ACHBAR in Arabic sounds just like ACHBAR in Hebrew which means of course....mouse.
I was yelling Allah is a MOUSE, which isn't a bad thing to say about Allah, if you know Gematria and me and my story. I consider myself a Moslem and I once prayed all the prayers at a mosque, getting down on my knees and pressing my head to the ground like everyone else. Someone told me what to say and I repeated it. He then invited me to his house in Yaffo and when his wife saw me, she said," Light has come into our home !" Her husband told me this somewhat reluctantly, I thought at the time. I was sure all women loved me. After all, I am a Mighty Mouse!
The neighbors got scared and called my daughter who came when it was dark. She came into the room and I was lying on the mattress, sweaty and deeply psychotic. Izaak was there too, writing on the computer. He was used to me being crazy and didn't think much of it.
I thought my daughter was cooperating with the CIA in some kind of international conspiracy to do me in, as she sat down besides me. She said something about my eyes being blood shot and I decided to wake her up by throwing water in her face. The cup slipped out of my sweaty hand and hit her near the eyebrow. She started bleeding profusely after she ran out of the room. She called the police and ten of them came and told me to come along, which I finally did, wearing only under pants and without shoes.
In a few months, eight years will have gone by. There are no mice. There is One God, The God of Art, The God of Israel, The God of The Hebrew Bible and The Koran. Not the God of Christianity.
God has no special son, no only son. I am the Messiah but I am as much God's son as anyone else and God' doesn't really have children, unless you are childlike in your heart and want to think about Him, that way. Like I do.
Of course, every time I see a number meaningful to me that has a place of significance in My Matrix of Divine Design, like 11, 47, 119, 164, 292 or 363 or 939 or one of the others, my brain secretes dopamine.
This is because it reinforces my faith in The God of Art and His Plan for Humanity. It encourages me to believe that despite harsh appearances to the contrary, mankind is actually on a rising spiral of eventual spiritual self improvement. As The Jews say at funerals, Magnified and Glorified Many Times Over Will Be The Holy Name of יהוה Who Said of Himself, I Will Be What I Will Be! When I see what jumps out at me as a sublime pattern, embedded in the very substance of my life story, as I experienced with the number 11 and the events of 119, and then find meanings for all these numbers in Hebrew Phrases from The Bible, my brain gets stimulated again and again and neuron paths are reinforced over and over again, with me becoming ever more certain in my faith and what I believe. But this doesn't happen to any one else because no one else has my story in their mind! No one else has the sensations and emotions reinforced like I do. Add to this that God has told me to say, I am a Mutant!
That is in the "Words of יהוה to Jonathan Robbins" =1111= דברי יהוה אל יונתן רבינס
How am I mutant?
The anti psychotic drug I took for over 7 years, the anti depressant I took for 2 years, the nicotine I smoked sporadically with hashish and finally heavily at a pack of cigarettes a day for 7 years, the marijuana and amphetamines and mdma and in particular the magic mushrooms I took almost every day for well over a month, the emotional stress I have been under since I can remember, all of this some how caused my brain to respond in a way that has produced a very unique state of mind and despite what people might think of what I write, I am not not psychotic or delusional.
To the contrary, I am the sanest and wisest man alive.
Jonathan Michael Robbins is a Mutant=1111=יונתן מיכאל רבינס הוא מוטציה
Now other people who hear my story and recognize the strangeness of the incessant synchronicity with a messianic motif, simply experience severe cognitive dissonance which is painful. Instead of their brain secreting more dopamine like mine, it secretes less and they learn to stay away in self defense.
Evan Itay who discovered much of The Hebrew Bible Code and experienced dopamine flooding because of the pattern recognition of an artful design, finally withdrew in pain because he simply couldn't contain my narrative as having more artistic value than his own. He is creative and competitive and for his dopamine fix, had to put me on a pedestal as the embodiment of God's will on earth, something I despised and punished him for by humiliating him. He didn't deserve that, as he was the best friend I have ever had.
I get a dopamine rush from this.
"Itay is with him".= איתי איתו= 838
In The Hebrew Bible, Itay is the 11th in the list of King David's heroes.
838 is Jonathan Robbins יונתן רבינס and also "you will be crazy = היית משוגע" and Itay's support surely allowed me to have my "insanity" reinforced WITH MORE DOPAMINE, because of his believing for a long time that:
I am The Messiah = אני המשיח= 424= משיח בן דוד = Messiah Son of David
and his affirming and acknowledging the synchronicity we experienced together with numbers, thus reinforcing neuron paths with dopamine replenishment in my brain by reason of social agreement. I was provided with more reward than the "punishment" I experienced when people rejected me and what I strove to share. So I persevered, despite all disagreement and hardship. So this is how I am wired. or " I am not bad, I was just drawn this way!"
I am not bad, this is how they drew me!
Itay was with me literally as we say in Hebrew, through fire and water. Once, when homeless on a summer night, we slept in Jerusalem's Independence Park. I told him how much I appreciated his helping me, his believing me, his staying with me through hell and high water.
That night we were awakened when the sprinklers went off, dousing us and making us wet. As we jumped to our feet, collected our things and ran away from the deluge, kids from a youth movement lit a series of fiery torches across the lawn of the park.
And then there was the time we were jailed together, literally chained together at the feet, as we made our way singing "David, King of Israel Lives Forever" toward the buses that came to take us to court for our hearing. Itay pointed out to me that one bus had the number 363 in the middle of the license plate and the other had 421, also in the middle.
363 is The Messiah המשיח and 421 is Itay איתי.
Itay and I both considered him to be my Arms Bearer. He literally brought me as if I am The Messiah King, which to him I absolutely was, everything my heart desired. From clothes to shoes to food to drugs to money for prostitutes, books and music and finally the computer I write on now. In the Hebrew Bible there is a story about the son of King Saul, Jonathan and his Arms Bearer, who says to Jonathan before they embark on an uphill attack against all odds and kill a garrison of Philistines, some 20 soldiers-
"Do all acknowledged in your heart, point out the way, here I am with you like your heart itself!"
וַיֹּאמֶר לוֹ נֹשֵֹא כֵלָיו עֲשֵֹה כָּל אֲשֶׁר בִּלְבָבֶךָ נְטֵה לָךְ הִנְנִי עִמְּךָ כִּלְבָבֶךָ
This describes what Itay was like to me. Every day and every night for a few very intense years.
Later it describes their climbing the hill like this "And Jonathan went up on his hands and on his feet and his arms bearer behind him, and they fell before Jonathan, and his Arms Bearer puts them to death after him."
וַיַּעַל יוֹנָתָן עַל יָדָיו וְעַל רַגְלָיו וְנֹשֵֹא כֵלָיו אַחֲרָיו וַיִּפְּלוּ לִפְנֵי יוֹנָתָן וְנֹשֵֹא כֵלָיו מְמוֹתֵת אַחֲרָיו
There is also this.
And Jonathan went up on his hands and on his feet=1111= וַיַּעַל יוֹנָתָן עַל יָדָיו וְעַל רַגְלָיו
And there is also this:
puts them to death after him.=1111=מְמוֹתֵת אַחֲרָיו
Itay, on my instructions, sat for days and put together The Hebrew Gematria Bible Code. All I told him was this. "Look, and every verse you think has to do with The Messiah, you will find the Gematria value of my names or other significant numbers with Messianic themes." He sat and got very excited because he found exactly what I had told him he would. He did it over the course of a few weeks. He had a big dopamine rush, which is what happens in the brain with patter recognition.
Itay also put together on my instructions, " The Method of Corrective Communication" which is a spiritual grammar that enables one to describe and express what is going on insides one's heart and mind, in a way that brings clarity and emotional self reliance and responsibility. The method also greatly enhances Empathy.
All of this is-
"Words of יהוה to Jonathan Robbins" =1111= דברי יהוה אל יונתן רבינס
Clearly, there is really a Relentless Unfolding Pattern Of Sublime Divine Design! The ramifications are completely counter intuitive, mind boggling and cause severe cognitive dissonance. The implications are that the very fabric of reality, the Hebrew Language, The 929 Chapters of The Hebrew Bible, World Events like 911, the personal events of my life, everything down to the smallest detail of any kind of design was composed as a complete creation from beginning to end. This completely demolishes any idea of random chaos in the creation om my life. Surely it can only mean that God is The Artist and I am the materiel of His Creativity.
This idea is an extremely difficult one to contain with equilibrium in one's mind. It is not a theory about the universe. It IS my universe.
Now I haven't mentioned a mouse for quite a while. When I looked up dopamine to make sure I know what I am talking about when I explain to myself what has happened to the wiring of my brain, this is what I found.
Phil Newton From Mouse to Man
What is dopamine?
The neurotransmitter's role in the brain and behavior.
In all fairness and full disclosure, there is this:
The symptoms of acute amphetamine psychosis are very similar to those of the acute phase of schizophrenia although in amphetamine psychosis visual hallucinations are more common and thought disorder is rare. Amphetamine psychosis may be purely related to high drug usage, or high drug usage may trigger an underlying vulnerability to schizophrenia. There is some evidence that vulnerability to amphetamine psychosis and schizophrenia may be genetically related. Relatives of methamphetamine users with a history of amphetamine psychosis are five times more likely to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia than relatives of methamphetamine users without a history of amphetamine psychosis. The disorders are often distinguished by a rapid resolution of symptoms in amphetamine psychosis, while schizophrenia is more likely to follow a chronic course._________________
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and put on the anti psychotic Resperidol which I took for 7 years before stopping cold turkey, stopping also the antidepressant Cipralex cold turkey at the same time. 7 weeks ago I quit smoking also, cold turkey.
I quit phsychiatric medicines cold turkey!
God told me to trust Him (47) and I do 1111 !!!!!
As The God of Art would have it,
today I found this article
about a brain neuron in mice and men
that is shaped like a crown of thorns.
a-giant-neuron-found-wrapped-around-entire-mouse-brain-shaped like a crown of thorns
And then I wrote this:
To be fully understood, everything one seeks to understand, must be contemplated in the fullness of its context. One needs to hold the object of contemplation in one's mind together with all the factors that surround it and make it what it is,
Take a falling autumn leaf, for example.
It is what it is because of the tree it has fallen from. Such a leaf could not be what it is were it not for the sun and the air and the earth that nourished it. It's shape and structure are specific to a certain kind of tree and not another. That specific kind of tree is the product of a specific genetic blueprint.
The wind that blew the leaf off the tree indicates the weather and the weather the climate. The climates is a consequence of the tilt of the earth and the earths rotation around the sun.
Now contemplate the sun, for without the sun and its light there could be no leaf. Without the earth too, there could be no leaf. Without the air, the same. So we can choose to focus on any of these creative components of the leaf and hold them in our mind as well.
The context of our sun, is the galaxy. The context of the earth, our solar system. The context of the air, the planet earth.
Investigating the nature of the leaf leads us to expand our mind in an attempt to finally contain the whole universe. And this we cannot do.
There is only so much any individual can contain in their mind in a dynamic matrix of cross reference and cooperative influence before exhaustion causes them to let go.
But doing so, again and again, holding in one's mind any object and its creative factors stretches one's sense of awe and wonder and always leads up to trying to encompass the whole universe in the grip of one's comprehension. This acts as an antenna to God, who seems to reach out and help one who reaches for Him this way, with a greater appreciation of His Nature.
Now contemplate what I have written here about the "mouse".
The economics of Dopamine secretion in the brain is a decisive factor in what governs all kinds of behavior. Dopamine encourages association and its resultant pattern formation and is therefor a prime component in the chemistry of language configuration and the skill of narrative representation, on both graphic and semantic dimensions. It is the chemical glue that holds memories together as patterns. A narrative represents the real or imagined history of everything from a single photon, to the universe- and the ability to create a comprehensive narrative of the virtual or the real is a prime aspect of creative intelligence in both science and The Arts. Of course this might no longer be self serving if one cannot distinguish between the inventions of one's mind and the reality actually held in common with others.
I postulate that God Governs human behavior through the economics of Dopamine Secretion in the different parts of the brain's hemispheres. He causes both genius and madness as such serve His creative purpose. This Divine Creative composition of the mind is managed through genetic chemical mechanics and subatomic influences at the level of the electric discharge of cells, allowing for phenomena of non-locality in the emergence of information to be processed by the brain. The latter manifests as a propensity for intuition.
In Hebrew, the words are composed mostly from three letter roots. When the root for a verb has as its first letter YUD י , the word's tense is only changed by pronunciation and therefor the same spelling represents the past, present and future tense of the verb.
A verb represents the creation of an action in the past, present or future and the letter YUD י represents the name of God, יהוה where the letter YUD י heads the word for present הוה. Essentially this means the present will become the future and that is the impetus of creation itself.
The word for secretion in Hebrew is יצא . It means "come out" in the past, present or future depending on the pronunciation, as described above for words that have YUD י for their first letter.
The word for Dopamine in Hebrew is spelled like this: דופאמין
Dopamine Comes Out (Secretion) in Hebrew: דופאמין יצא and that equals 292 like עכבר or mouse and also דבר אלהים or Word of God.
Perhaps it is fitting that I end this post with a song I listened to with fascination as a child of twelve. It is by Simon And Garfunkel, those two Jews whose music and lyrics often made my life worth living.
Like A Rat in A Maze- Patterns
A Catastrophic Tragedy. Maybe Not!
Jonathan Michael Robbins
יונתן מיכאל רבינס