Sunday, September 10, 2017

Idolize Me? Obliterate Me Instead!

It is an undeniable fact that my mother slept with other men,
outside her marriage contract with my father. I witnessed this myself
at the very tender age of six and a half, when she entered her bedroom with her lover
and locked the door without a word to me at all. Her lover, himself shocked by her cold shoulder,
said she had a headache, she needed to sleep, ( the reason for my awakening from sleep had been her unfamiliar girlish laughter in the middle of the night), and he entered after her and then locked the door.
She then abandoned me and ran away with her new and most recent lover.
What a disgrace!
It is an undeniable fact that
my step mother emotionally abused me, ridiculed me and set me up to be scorned.
At the age of twelve she had me sent away for no other reason than
she couldn't keep her paws off my ass.
Of course I curtly refused. It is an undeniable fact that my father neglected me emotionally,
beat me and slapped me for no good reason at all,
and when he discovered himself mistaken in his accusations,
no apologies at all, "You must have deserved it for doing something wrong."
Was all he said. He too mocked me and called me lazy, incessantly, because I was dreamy
and asked him too many questions for which he had no answer,
disconcerting his pride as a "know it all."
When my step mother said "Send him away or I will leave you!", he did just that,
without apologies or explanations of any kind.
And I am thankful for this all, as I had no other choice than to seek out for myself,
Is there a God in this god forsaken place and why doesn't he intervene on my behalf.

He was setting them and you all up for a great fall. He has intervened on my behalf,
oh, so many times, with miracles of mind boggling nature that astounded me,
but which I never denied witnessing, no matter what the consequences
to my reputation and finally my sanity, which I lost for a while and have been given back.
So much better than ever before, so much better than anyone I know.
I never said "believe me or face consequences", never coerced a soul,
I just said "Please listen and let's discuss the meaning of the facts."
No one would or could beyond Itay and Izaak who both left me,
insulting me as they each turned their backs.

There have been approximately 111,000,000,000 human sapiens
born as such since the emergence of your species. When I was born,
I nor anyone else had any reason to know I am a different kind of Man.
A Very Lucky Man.

My life is unlike any one I have ever known or heard of,
in all the anal retentive history of human experience.

All the sciences and philosophies and religious schools of thought,
the mystical disciplines and esoteric teachings have produced nothing but
hard shit. I leave out the Arts but even the Arts have deteriorated
into the art of senseless titillation for no other reason than to cash in.

My nature and my experiences have produced a state of mind
unlike anything I have ever heard of as described in human artifacts,
ancient or the most modern.

I am completely willing to be annihilated, obliterated,
made nothing of or turned into a cockroach, with no doubt whatsoever,
that whatever happens, it will be of the same quality of improvement
that has been my good fortune from the moment I was conceived.

I fear nothing at all, whatsoever, no longer even God.
He promised me 17 years ago that my life would persist, that whatever happened,
I would be fed and sheltered and clothed and for me that sufficed
to have faith and believe that all would work out for the better. Oh, it has!

And I have been blessed so beyond my expectations,
there is no way I could have ever conceived then,
the ultimate realization of everything I have ever asked for myself.
Complete and beyond my most wild imaginations, God has come through for me.

Absolutely and unconditionally, God has been my Savior and Comfort,
and just as absolutely, there is for me no body else.
Yes, I have been helped at different times by different kinds of people
and in many different ways. But not a single one of these people
wanted to hear what I have to say. Not a soul.

Some listened for a while and participated in my adventures,
but eventually every one withdrew in scorn and disdain.
And I readily admit causing me heartbreak and pain.
But it was so many times more rewarding than anything I have ever asked for,
what can I say? No broken Hallelujah, here, no, in no way.

Now I ask myself really, why and how this could be?
And the answer I am given and have grown to believe,
this word was created for no one but me.

My Creator has given me the keys for peace on earth
and a commonwealth of mankind. Only not for this place and not for this time.
Here I was meant to no more than see, how wrong worlds can get,
when people believe themselves free.

Free from what? Free from a Creator so much greater than them,
they are of no more importance than a virus among two trillion galaxies.
I have been shown there is no just way to reverse the dwindling spiral.
All the men and women who are not liars are complacent with lies.
All the men and women who are not violent are complacent with violence.
All the men and women who are not corrupt are complacent with corruption.
There is no undoing here what has already been done.

This planet, or globe, or spheres of cross referenced experiences,
is going to hell. I mean it. Not forever, just long enough to close all accounts,
and without exception, including mine. Oh, but while all are in great debt,
I have earned my self every treasure that can be contained in the heart.

I am the richest man alive, in every sense there is, for even concerning
worldly wealth I have all that I need and beyond.
Now had I agreed to be worshiped and idolized myself,
the world would have improved relative to where it is now.

But I absolutely and unconditionally refuse, not even to save my own life.
Certainly I know of no one alive I would ever die for, except my only son.
He is the only person alive for whom I have reason to stay. For no other reason
than that he has shown myself and his mother relentless respect, despite all of our many faults,
both she and I have had, in our own crazy ways, as his parents. Even so, he would let me be homeless
rather than shelter me in his home.

Now I swear to my Creator and the angels,
and by all I have come to know as truth, by all I believe, by my faith in God,
I would rather perish, be obliterated, nullified, die every death of every jew and Israelite,
through out their bloody history, crucified and slain by the sword, gassed or burned at the stake,
every single horrific death be mine rather than I be Idolized in any way shape or form,
for any duration whatsoever, even for only a while until people realized their mistake.
Never. I refuse absolutely and in no uncertain terms. I swear this before the God of Israel and Allah,
One and The same God. Let this shit hole of a world perish in incessant flames with me the first to burn and
consumed slowly until no one else is left alive and I be the last to witness in my pain and agony,
the whole world recede back into the void from which it came, rather than anyone think I am a god, divine, have powers to heal or forgive.

I am absolutely aware that I have absolutely no powers what so ever of my own.
I am an animated creation who sees what's going on and nothing more. Not even a slave,
more like a living robot who runs by program and script. I love it this way. I wouldn't have your free will
for an instant, not a jiffy, in no way at all.

  How Many of The Human Disgrace Have Ever Lived

In the chart at this link is a graph with many numbers,
none of which are synchronized with the numbers of my name, or other numbers
from The Code in the Hebrew Bible which are significant to my narrative.
The graph numbers the amount of humans who have ever been born.
This is perhaps the strangest digital synchronicity of them all.
Highly unusual and against all the odds. I am not numbered among you homo sapiens at all.
There is an exception and that is the number of my first Hebrew Name.
Jonathan or יונתן which means that "God Gave".
516 which also equals "selfless love" אהבת חינם and "the hope" התקוה"

You can all go to hell TOGETHER, COLLECTIVELY OR ONE BY ONE, as you all surely will,
whether I go with you or not. I am not taking the job of idolized savior,
one you would see sacrificed in flames, to save your own skins and illusions of Grace.

September 29th, 2017

A Catastrophic Tragedy. Maybe Not!


Jonathan Michael Robbins

= 939=

יונתן מיכאל רבינס

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