When I was much younger, I used to romanticize in my heart the lives of anyone I had any affection for. I would tell myself a story about the people who showed me any kindness, in which they were heroes and heroines overcoming adversity to bring some aspect of beauty into the world. For this reason, I had no difficulty in making friends. People liked my ideas about themselves. They sensed my sincerity. I never flattered anyone disingenuously. To the contrary, I always acted as I believed a true friend should, telling them whatever came into my mind when I was critical of their behavior, explaining how I think what they are doing is counter productive. As I matured, I learned how to do this with empathy and I was listened to and my advice was often taken to heart.
I didn't however, see myself the same way. I had little to no self esteem, which partly explains why I thought so highly of people who showed me any respect. I would say to myself, if they are like this with someone as flawed as myself, they must be unusually compassionate and deserving of all the moral support I can give them. At first I thought of myself as being lucky to know them at all and saw myself as an appreciative audience to whatever were their endeavors. I would listen attentively as they shared their adventures, and as I had very little envy or hypocritical judgement, those I befriended came to share the most revealing and intimate details of their lives. They also reciprocated by listening to me, more than they did with anyone else they knew. I had some truly wonderful symbiotic relationships. People helped me when I needed help and because I had no support from family of any kind, I often found myself unable to pay rent as I was paying alimony from the early age of twenty two.
Everything always magically worked out and I was taken in to share rented apartments, told I could pay whatever I could and when I had it, on several occasions for months on end. Eventually, I made listening empathetic-ally and teaching life wisdom into a career. I did very well.
Finally, no longer believing in luck, I began to see myself as being blessed by the God who I had grown to trust. Never thinking myself talented enough in any way to actually orchestrate my unceasing good fortune, I felt ever growing gratitude towards this personal but not religious Divine Causal Singularity I conceived the presence of, as living within me and around me. The God who heard all my thoughts and saw my unceasing efforts to make myself into a better man was rewarding me for my efforts to do so, as a good God should and would. My ideas then of God seem somewhat primitive to me today, but I was decidedly on the journey to where I am now. On a twisting snake path which led me from a valley of tears beneath a great mountain, towards the hidden summit which was clouded in mysterious myths I began to believe I could vanquish with a clear mind, logic, discernment, discretionary research and rationality. There was to be no mystery or mysticism in my philosophy. No miracles. No angels. I began to believe with growing Hubris, just my own good will and the intellect I had discovered I have, could bring some more good into a world of inhumane humanity, that appeared and still does, miserably ignorant of why men cause men so much grief and how to improve man's realization of the wonderful potentials yet inhibited by hostile environments, hidden in our genes. I believed that from the apex of my own cleared mind, I could instruct and teach others how to become as happy and benevolent as I had become, with the wisdom I had culled from my own trials and tribulations, all of which I had come to believe were hidden blessings meant to challenge me to overcome my fears and doubts so I could develop my philosophy of Life Wisdom, Biosophy.
God and faith in God were not part of my philosophy, as God was too indefinably abstract to be part of a rational philosophy founded on only the observation and description of phenomena. I chose to believe that the God I believed in, who in his great mercy and compassion had rewarded me for struggling to clear my mind of hostilities and ever behave as humanely and helpfully as I could, would now reward all others I taught to do the same, even if they didn't believe in my non denominational Divinity, the Master of Providence.
I began to believe that I was serving some purpose in the world, that being, I was to become the founder of a new phenomenal philosophy, in all meanings of the word phenomenal. A new philosophy which isolated the process of communication as the object of contemplation and contended that the abstraction of why and how communication is successful, is the source of all human wisdom and success. On the other hand, anything that hindered successful life enhancing communication that led to mutual understanding, I postulated, was the source and reason for war and crime, much physical and most mental illness.
When I reached my late thirties, I had gained enough confidence to leave a second miserably hostile marriage and made my first true leap of blind faith into a void full of unknown solutions to what appeared to be insurmountable difficulties. I had no where to stay, no income but only enough to feed myself, at the time I was friendless too, as my wife had caused all my friends to distance themselves from me with unceasing libel and slander. The only evil thing she said about me that was true, was that I had hit her on more than a few occasions out of the frustrated impotency of being unable to make her stop slandering me. My philosophy was greatly the product of my attempts to save my marriage as I deeply feared leaving my children with a mother as reckless as she was. It seemed to work with everyone but her. Socrates said it is a good idea to get married, because if you find a good amiable wife you will be happy and if you marry badly, you can become a philosopher.
At the time I left my wife, I didn't even know what the word synchronicity meant but was already experiencing event after event of serendipity. I interpreted it all to mean that I had a destiny to fulfill and nothing could get in my way from realizing it. I believed in Providence, very ironically, just like Adolph Hitler. He believed implicitly without reserve in a God who rewarded those who understand nature and know how to care for themselves. He explained his early great good fortune, his relentless overcoming of obstacles, to be a sign from providence that his destiny as the savior of Germany was inevitable. Like me, he was not a mystic at all. He believed that he knew exactly how to behave in order to make Germany "great again" and it would and only could be the failure of the German people to believe and follow all he said that could cause providence to frown on the Aryan race, in which case he said they deserved the fate of destruction that would come to them and he would in-deservably become a martyr, because of their ultimate disobedience and disloyalty. He did have a degree of humility, whatever anyone else says of him, and he did see himself as a servant and potential martyr for his people. He saw himself as the manifestation of Providence not only for Germany and The Aryans, but for all of mankind, the means by which all the peoples of the world would come to their deserved fate. As an infantry soldier during WW1, Adolph displayed outstanding courage as a message carrier for which he was rewarded. His bravery was displayed on what was probably the most treacherously violent and chaotic battlefields of all time, in the deadly trenches where he was overcome and blinded with mustard gas. That the gas that wounded him is called "Mustard Gas" is so divinely ironic, causes me to give the link to the post that explains why.
I am certain he saw things happen around him that gave him good reason to believe initially in his inviolability. I am sure many others saw these same events which caused people to believe in him, and fear him greatly, which for most people is a prime reason for blind obedience. People have a deep desire to believe in leaders blessed by Providence and most people do believe in providence, whether they call that God or not, or even admit it. It simply makes more sense when one looks at how human affairs unfold as one matures, to believe in:
1.(often initial capital letter) the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2.(initial capital letter) God, especially when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.
3.a manifestation of divine care or direction.
4.provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
5.foresight; provident care.
In my youth I had very mixed feelings about Hitler. I was as fascinated by the story of his life as I was by the Hebrew Prophets later on. I yearned for insight into the workings of his mind. I admit I felt a mysterious admiration for him, for which I was ashamed.
Later on in life, after I had made another leap of blind faith into the unknown, familiar now with the concept of synchronicity and experiencing it relentlessly to my good fortune, while dirt poor, I spent my last cash buying a book containing an English translation of "Hitler's Table Talk". My desire to understand the workings of Hitler's mind was sated as was finally my desire to understand the minds of Hebrew Prophets.
Unable to afford toilet paper, I used to read the book while doing what one does on a toilet, and used the pages I had read to wipe my ass.
I stopped blaming Adolph for anything and saw him the same way I have come to see myself. Hitler and I are both absolute manifestations of Divine Will as is everyone else. He is no more guilty of the evil he is seen as the cause of than I can take credit for the good that will come from my finally being The Messiah in the mind of yet not so always kind, Mankind.
No one will ever understand this to the extant that I do because no one will ever have the God given nature I have and the experiences that have been my good fortune.
I know with a certainty born from the chain of orchestrated synchronicity that has been my lot in The Kingdom of My Lord, whose willing and grateful slave I am, that every thought, perception and feeling I have is aligned and perfectly synchronized with the motion of every particle and collapsing wave function that compose the universe. There is not a subatomic particle in my body or mind that is not aligned in it's appearance out of the void, with the motions that produce the events of the unfolding Majestic Narrative of The Messiah of Israel as told to me from moment to moment by God Almighty, Himself, My Father The Creator of All, upon whose Sacred Knee of Blessing I will sit forever as He shows me and tells me alone, out of all of mankind, bits and pieces of The Tapestry which reveals The Glory of All of Creation. I have no creative or causal power whatsoever.
To believe I do is to misunderstand all I would share of what my Father shows me.
I take absolutely no credit for anything at all and have no blame towards anything that has ever lived, lives or will ever be alive.
All the Glory belongs to our Creator, My God of Art. 1111
September 29th, 2017
A Catastrophic Tragedy. Maybe Not!
Jonathan Michael Robbins
יונתן מיכאל רבינס